silent lucidity

in the world of here now, between creativity and reason, between observer and patient, between resolution and decision, between tremors and fear is focus.

he’s posting with my help as this is too confusing on his own and his fingers tremble. his responses are measured and he presents as calm, collected and rational. however he is too precise, too objective and has little connection to past events.

if the caregivers need a standard to measure the new med regimen against it would be not only his tremors but also the distinction of individual versus character.

he feels that he is physically acting out his inner script. he feels that he has lost a lot under this treatment but can offer no alternative. he points out that it seems contradictory to be leaving him, diagnosed bipolar, as sole caretaker, for an 83 year old.

there will be some downtime of the computer today of unknown duration while we take it apart to see what memory upgrade would be available.

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