Why am I putting these thoughts online and not an article for a magazine, a diary or the ABTA ? I dunno.

With $1200 and taking back $150, I’m looking at lu ray players, external drives for my new MacBook while my XPS keeps blue screening. Though I do have a systemboard ordered for the XPS, I’ll have to pay to have it put in and cross my fingers to make sure that was the issue. So I wonder if I shouldn’t have just gotten a new desktop instead.

All I want is a notebook to take to class, use Itunes on (I have 60g of music I don’t want to lose from the dead XPS), type up my writings, and use adobe photoshop (elements) on. Not much. But I keep getting quoted quad processors while the one laptop I have running is SO SLOW!

I did order a new battery for the portable. $50! for two more hours of runtime without the adapter.

What does this all mean ? That while trying to ask the Lord for blessings in order to eat, I’m looking for exciting hardware and try to fix dead or dying items. Real prioritizing. Why?

Why can’t I give up my last four cigs per day, or the nicotene lozenges that cost a fortune.

Why can’t I see the cost for doctors for my back so I can get rid of this cane and stand without feeling my back is about to break ? Why do I feel like I have to distract myself?

Maybe because in fantasy land the realities of an ex, a daughter, bad health, lack of cash and other things go away.